Don't make out with my wife yet
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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