your parents love me but you hate me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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