So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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