Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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