Your tits are I can't wait for
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
