She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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