and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
