Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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