She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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