come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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