i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
