You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
