you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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