i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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