Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
