you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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