I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Plan B is the new Plan A
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
