Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
