Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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