I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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