I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
