i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
