I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
