pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
