Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
