1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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