I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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