Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize