put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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