You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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