Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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