C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
