My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
