It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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