Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize