Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
