The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
