yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
