You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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