Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
