i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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