my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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