There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
