Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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