anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
