I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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