i think my mom watched the whole time
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
