very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
