i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
