so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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