hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
