Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
