Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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