Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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