epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
