He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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