my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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