Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
