i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
